Month: October 2024

On October 16, the Félix Houphouët-Boigny UNESCO Peace Prize Committee awarded the 2024 prize to former Portuguese Prime Minister António Costa, who is set to become the President of the European Council. This recognition honors his long-standing commitment to peace and development in countries around the world.

Michel Camdessus, the committee’s vice-chair and former president of the International Monetary Fund, commented, “We have decided to award this prize to Costa for his unwavering dedication to the advancement of peace and development during his distinguished political career.”

Audrey Azoulay, the Director-General of UNESCO, emphasized the importance of strong political leaders committed to building lasting peace in today’s challenging global landscape. “Costa has consistently been an advocate for dialogue and multilateralism, and I am genuinely pleased that the committee has recognized his efforts,” she stated.

The committee also commended the Afro-Ecuadorian Social Development Foundation for its significant contributions to promoting the rights of Afro-descendants in Ecuador and throughout Latin America, highlighting its successes in fostering recognition and respect for these communities.

Details regarding the time and location of the 2024 UNESCO Peace Prize award ceremony will be announced soon.

Established in 1989, the Félix Houphouët-Boigny UNESCO Peace Prize aims to recognize individuals, institutions, and public or private groups that have made notable contributions to promoting, seeking, protecting, or maintaining peace, in accordance with the United Nations Charter and UNESCO’s founding principles. Notable past recipients include Nelson Mandela, F.W. de Klerk, Angela Merkel, and Jimmy Carter.

The man is a living legend with nothing left to prove, he doesn’t need to work other than for the simple pleasure of being around talented people – and it’s a joy to watch
Stuart HeritageTue 15 Oct 2024 07.18 EDTLast modified on Tue 15 Oct 2024 11.43 EDTShareImagine for a moment that you are Harrison Ford in the year 2024. You are 82 years old, and arguably one of the last living old-school movie stars, held aloft above an army of actors whose names don’t get people to buy tickets. You’re Han Solo. You’re Rick Deckard. You’re Indiana Jones, for crying out loud. How do you navigate through life with a legacy like that?
Some actors at this point would yank up the drawbridge and rest on their laurels. And who could blame them? They’ve earned their money. They’ve achieved immortality. Any more work on top of that would simply undermine all they’ve forged. Say what you like about Gene Hackman, but at least he’s never going to junk his reputation by coming out of retirement to appear in, say, Dirty Grandpa.
But this is not the path that Harrison Ford has chosen. Because right now Harrison Ford is everywhere. Last year he made his fifth Indiana Jones film. This week he’ll reprise his role as a cranky therapist on Apple TV’s Shrinking. He’s just finished filming the second season of the blockbuster western 1923, and next year he’s joining the MCU, pulling double duty as both the president of America and a literal Hulk.
Ford’s relentless work ethic came up during an interview with Vanity Fair recently. “What do you get out of acting nowadays?” he was asked. His response: “Oh man, I get out of it essential human contact.”
View image in fullscreenHe’s a doer … Ford in Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny. Photograph: Lucasfilm Ltd.There was more to it than that – he went on to say that he enjoys working with talented people – but the crux of it simply seems to be that working gets him out of the house. Sitting and festering is for other people. He’s a doer.
The result of this is that Ford is now doing work that pushes at the limits of his legacy. The most recent Indiana Jones might not have set the box office alight, but it let him tell a story about what happens to heroes when they get older and punch a bunch of Nazis in the face in the digitally de-aged prologue. 1923 saw him test the boundaries of his trademark gruffness over a long-form format. Shrinking is the most charming thing on television at the moment, in part thanks to Ford’s willingness to cut loose. And even if the next Captain America fails to restore the MCU to its former glory, there’s something extremely giddy about the thought of Harrison Ford running around in a mo-cap suit hulking out like he did that time at Comic-Con.
There’s now a looseness to Ford that hasn’t always been there. For a while his reputation was that of a hunched and grumpy recluse who couldn’t quite find his place. He made action films like Firewall and Paranoia that aimed to be throwbacks but ended up drifting dangerously close to straight-to-DVD fare. In interviews he was guarded and brittle, and perhaps a little lost. In retrospect, this hesitance seems to stem from a desire to protect his legacy. Watching him back then was like watching a boxer in the 12th-round, trying to last the course in the vain hope that he’d be able to snatch a win on points.
What a difference to today. The reason why he is working so much at the moment is because he has stopped gripping the reins so tightly. If your motivation to work is to simply be around people, that means you get to do whatever you want. It doesn’t matter if you fail or not, because that isn’t the reason you entered into it.
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It’s paying off, too. Especially on Shrinking, which is so warm and endearing that you hope they never stop making it, Ford has never seemed so relaxed. He was always respected, but now he is beloved. And all because of basic human contact. Who knew?

On October 13th, the curtains rose on the 40th China Shaanxi-Japan Kyoto Calligraphy and Painting Exhibition and the 9th China-Japan Student Calligraphy Exhibition in Xi’an.

Since officially becoming sister provinces in July 1983, Shaanxi Province and Kyoto Prefecture have hosted the annual “China Shaanxi-Japan Kyoto Calligraphy and Painting Exhibition” beginning in 1984. This long-standing tradition, now in its 40th year, has been pivotal in enhancing cultural and artistic exchanges between the two regions.

Starting in 2015, the “China-Japan Student Calligraphy Exhibition” was introduced, aimed at nurturing young talent in calligraphy and painting while fostering cultural exchanges among students from both countries. This initiative has had a profound and lasting impact on enhancing cultural and artistic collaboration between China and Japan.

The current exhibition features over 200 works of calligraphy and Chinese painting from artists associated with the Shaanxi National Painting Academy, the Shaanxi Calligraphy Institute, and the Kyoto Calligraphy Institute, in addition to nearly 100 works from young artists. The displayed pieces showcase a vibrant array of styles and perspectives, reflecting the optimistic and proactive spirit of both nations as they strive for a better life. Moreover, the exhibition highlights both parties’ commitment to promoting traditional Eastern culture while exploring and innovating within artistic creation.

This event is part of the 10th Silk Road International Arts Festival and will run until October 19th.

According to the “China Lipid Management Guidelines (2023),” the prevalence of lipid abnormalities among adults in our country is as high as 35.6%.

So, is experiencing numbness in your hands and feet upon waking a sign of lipid abnormalities? What other symptoms might indicate such issues? And what happens if your lipid levels remain stubbornly high? How can we stabilize our lipid levels? Let’s delve deeper.

**Morning Numbness: A Possible Indicator of High Lipids**
After a night of sleep, we expect to wake up feeling refreshed and energized. However, individuals with high lipid levels may experience lipid deposits in their blood vessel walls, leading to increased blood viscosity. This can result in poor blood circulation, affecting the supply of blood and oxygen to our extremities and organs. Consequently, upon rising, one might feel numbness in the hands and feet, fatigue, dizziness, headaches, shortness of breath, or palpitations.

**Additional Symptoms of Lipid Abnormalities**
Apart from the morning numbness, those with lipid issues may also notice the following:
1. **Vision Changes**: Sudden blurriness, decreased vision, a white ring around the cornea, or the appearance of yellow lumps on the eyelids.
2. **Yellow Nodules**: Yellow or orange-red nodules or patches may develop on areas like the back of the hands, joints, or buttocks, or you may see yellow stripes on the palms.
3. **Leg Cramps**: Frequent leg cramps or tingling that don’t improve with rest or calcium supplements could signal elevated lipids.

**Key Indicators of Lipid Abnormalities**
To assess lipid levels, four key indicators should be monitored:
– Total Cholesterol (TC): Normal range is 3mmol/L to 5.2mmol/L
– Triglycerides (TG): Normal range is 0 to 1.7mmol/L
– High-Density Lipoprotein Cholesterol (HDL-C): Normal range is 0.9mmol/L to 2mmol/L
– Low-Density Lipoprotein Cholesterol (LDL-C): Normal range is 0 to 3.4mmol/L

If one or more of these values are abnormal, it indicates a lipid imbalance. Notably, HDL-C, also known as “good cholesterol,” if within normal or slightly elevated limits, helps prevent plaque formation.

**Consequences of Poor Lipid Control**
What happens if lipid levels continue to rise?
1. **Thrombosis**: Persistently high lipids increase blood viscosity, making it easier for plaque to form. If these plaques rupture, they can lead to dangerous blood clots that pose serious health risks.
2. **Kidney Problems**: Inadequate blood supply to the kidneys due to high lipid levels can increase their burden, potentially leading to serious kidney disease over time.
3. **Worsening Diabetes Complications**: Those with diabetes may face heightened risks of complications when their lipids are elevated.

**Four Steps to Stabilize Your Lipid Levels**
1. **Diet Control**: Individuals with lipid issues should adhere to a “three low” diet—low salt, low sugar, and low fat—while managing starchy foods and limiting drinks. Consuming excess starch can convert to sugar in the body, hampering lipid control. Increasing fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and fiber while reducing dietary cholesterol is essential, targeting less than 300 mg of cholesterol daily, especially for high-risk groups.

2. **Regular Exercise**: Engage in moderate-intensity aerobic exercise for at least 150-300 minutes weekly—activities like jogging, brisk walking, or cycling are beneficial. Incorporating resistance training can also help. Those with cardiovascular issues should consult their physician before exercising.

3. **Avoid Smoking and Limit Alcohol**: Quitting smoking and avoiding secondhand smoke contribute to preventing vascular diseases and elevate HDL levels. Excessive drinking can disrupt fat metabolism, raising blood lipid levels. It’s advisable to avoid alcohol or limit it to less than 100 grams per week.

4. **Medication Assistance**: If lifestyle changes don’t yield improvements, doctors may prescribe medications that inhibit intestinal cholesterol absorption. Typically, noticeable effects occur within a week of starting treatment, with follow-up testing after a month to assess lipid control.

**Important Reminders**
1. Adults over 40 should have their lipid levels checked every 2-5 years, even if asymptomatic.
2. Individuals with atherosclerotic cardiovascular disease or those at high risk should be tested every 3-6 months.

**(CCTV Life Circle)**

On October 20, the “Craftsmanship and Unity: Cross-Strait Artisan Exchange Event 2024” kicked off in Fuzhou, attracting around 200 guests from both sides of the Taiwan Strait. Participants included representatives from various industries in mainland China, industry experts and scholars, vocational school students, as well as representatives from different sectors in Taiwan.

Among the attendees was Taiwanese student Hsieh Chien-Huang, who participated in the traditional apprenticeship ceremony. He stated that the use of ancient apprenticeship rituals highlights the importance of skill inheritance, while also offering him a new perspective on vocational education.

“In the modernization of the Chinese nation, theoretical advancements have reached a certain level. It is essential to put theories into practice, making vocational skills education increasingly important,” Hsieh remarked. Invited to the event, he felt he gained “immensely,” experiencing diverse aspects of education, such as fashion design, floral art, tea ceremony, and pet grooming.

As a doctoral student at Jinan University, Hsieh expressed his desire to connect with vocational education experts and teachers from both sides in the future, not only as a personal interest but also as a potential career pathway.

Taiwanese culinary decoration artist Lai Lung-Chu, who has 29 years of industry experience, was honored with the title “Famous Artisan of Min and Taiwan.” He showcased his “Fish Transformation Dragon” culinary sculpture, which features distinct Eastern characteristics.

In an interview, Lai noted that during his exchanges with peers from the mainland, he was impressed by the exquisite and lifelike carving techniques utilized there. He acknowledged that both sides share a common pursuit of excellence but pointed out that in Taiwan, there tends to be a greater emphasis on creativity. He hopes that the future partnerships between the precision of mainland craftsmanship and the creativity found in Taiwan will foster more opportunities for collaboration.

At the event, Fujian Agricultural Vocational Technical College, along with the Taiwan Worker Education and Vocational Training Association, unveiled a plaque designating their collaborative partnership. The association’s chairman, Kong Hsiang-Ko, emphasized that culture is fundamental to any nation or ethnicity and must be reflected in daily life aspects. He pointed out that Min and Taiwan artisans are practitioners of cultural spirit in reality.

“Fujian and Taiwan each boast unique cultural characteristics and strengths. The cultural elements underlying these traditions stem from the same source. The works produced by artisans from both sides reveal shared cultural themes and a sense of humanity,” Kong added. He expressed hope that through showcasing artisan achievements, both sides would learn from each other, and that innovative approaches would enhance the quality of life.

In the afternoon, a Cross-Strait Vocational Education Development Forum took place, where experts from both areas engaged in in-depth discussions about the future of collaborative vocational education, providing new ideas and directions for cooperation and growth. The exhibition that accompanied the event focused on the themes of “Hundred Crafts, Hundred Industries” and “Collaborative Development,” showcasing the exquisite traditional techniques as well as the skills learned by young students.

On October 18, the Heilongjiang Provincial Public Security Department launched a province-wide operation themed “Disposal of Firearms and Explosives to Ensure Public Safety.” This initiative culminated in the destruction of 3,508 illegal firearms and imitation guns that had been confiscated.

In recent years, law enforcement agencies across Heilongjiang have intensified their crackdown on gun-related crimes, carrying out various campaigns, including specialized operations to clear and seize illegal firearms and conduct thorough safety inspections of dangerous goods. Since the beginning of this year, the security departments in the province have apprehended 68 suspects involved in firearm and explosives offenses, confiscating 2,160 illegal and imitation firearms, 50,000 rounds of ammunition, 18.1 kilograms of explosives, and 4,312 detonators.

A representative from the Heilongjiang Public Security Department explained that firearms and controlled devices can be easily exploited by criminal elements to commit serious violent offenses, posing a significant threat to public safety. The provincial police force remains committed to a rigorous “high-pressure crackdown” strategy against weapon and explosive-related crimes, reinforcing their efforts to eliminate gun and explosive hazards, thereby creating a safer environment for economic development and the well-being of the community.

In October, the vibrant landscapes of Heilongjiang come to life with the changing seasons. During a recent production assessment event held in Zhenyu Village, Xinzhan Town, Daqing City, experts evaluated a novel “Three Good Integration” model for the effective management and comprehensive utilization of saline-alkaline land, developed by the research team led by Liang Zhengwei from the Northeast Institute of Geography and Agricultural Ecology, Chinese Academy of Sciences. Yang Jinsong, a researcher at the Nanjing Institute of Soil Research, served as the head of the production assessment expert group and shared the compelling results.

In a region known for its extensive saline-alkaline areas, Heilongjiang’s ecosystems are situated in one of the world’s largest distributions of such land, with nearly 14 million acres identified, of which around 12 million acres remain unutilized. The ongoing global food security crisis underscores the critical role of securing food supplies for maintaining social stability in China. Effectively using saline-alkaline land is seen as a vital channel for expanding, improving, and increasing arable land, positioning it as a potential grain reserve and a strategic backup for agricultural resources. Thus, comprehensive redevelopment of saline-alkaline lands is deemed essential for stabilizing grain production and ensuring national food security.

This production assessment event was jointly organized by the Northeast Institute of Geography and Agricultural Ecology and Heilongjiang Chenxing Construction Development Co., Ltd.

At the site, experts measured plots, calculated areas, harvested rice, weighed it, and assessed water content. The results were impressive: in heavily sodic saline-alkaline fields with a pH of 10.00 and an EC of 0.60 mS/cm, the application of various soil improvement techniques—including phosphogypsum treatment, deep side fertilization, microbial agents, dense planting, and irrigation—resulted in rice yields exceeding 400 kilograms per acre for the Dongdao 122 and Tongze 861 varieties in their first year. In stark contrast, an untreated control plot yielded only 3.02 kilograms per acre.

Zhaoyuan County, in southwestern Heilongjiang, has several saline-alkaline areas. Wang Lizhi, the Party Secretary of Xinzhan Town, expressed his appreciation for the efforts of frontline workers and researchers, stating, “I visit every two weeks to monitor the growth of the rice. The output here is truly exceptional for our town.”

The comprehensive land remediation project in Zhenyu Village covers about 4,800 acres of saline-alkaline land, leading to the formation of approximately 3,676 acres of arable land. Xu Qingquan, a representative of Heilongjiang Chenxing Construction Development Co., Ltd., remarked that the company successfully invested in a project to enhance rural revitalization capabilities in September 2023, including plans to transform 14,268.70 acres of saline-alkaline land. The production assessment plot is part of one of their sub-projects, marking Heilongjiang’s first achievement of “project initiation, transformation, and yield achievement all in the same year.”

The comprehensive efforts are directed by the Northeast Institute of Geography and Agricultural Ecology, focusing on “improving the land, selecting the right seeds, and utilizing the best methods” to sustainably enhance soil quality, boost rice production, and significantly increase overall benefits. This initiative not only aims to contribute to national food security but also aims to enhance local residents’ income and improve ecological conditions, taking rural revitalization to new heights.

At the recent China International Import Expo (CIIE) in Shanghai, we had the chance to speak with Jin Fangqian, the Vice President and General Manager of Gilead Sciences China, about the company’s journey and ambitions in the region.

As Gilead Sciences prepares for its third appearance at the expo in 2024, it’s clear that their presence has grown significantly. “From our initial participation, our booth size increased fivefold this year, and we’ve dedicated twice as much space to showcasing innovative products,” Jin shared. “We’ve even created a dedicated area for our research pipeline to highlight our ongoing clinical studies and new product launches in China.”

Gilead’s commitment to the Chinese market is evident, with 11 of its leading drugs now approved in the country since they began operations here in 2017, and 8 of those included in the national medical insurance catalog. “China is one of our three major strategic markets globally, and attending the CIIE has truly allowed us to witness the impressive speed at which innovations can reach patients here,” Jin noted.

He referred to the innovative drugs that have launched thanks to the expo, affectionately calling them “CIIE babies.” For instance, after participating in the 2022 expo, Gilead introduced two new drugs in the antifungal and oncology fields. “The antifungal drug, Adefovir dipivoxil, received market approval just three months post-expo—this is a great example of the expedited access that can happen in China,” Jin explained.

Looking ahead, Gilead is eager to showcase its latest breakthrough, the long-acting HIV medication Lenacapavir, which generated substantial interest at the 2023 expo. “The CIIE has become an important accelerator for the launch of innovative drugs, helping to streamline the process significantly,” Jin emphasized.

Gilead also views the expo as a chance to broaden its medical collaboration ecosystem. In previous years, it has initiated projects like the hepatitis C case management program with the China STD/AIDS Foundation and signed cooperation agreements to promote HIV treatment through collaboration with local health organizations.

“We’re committed to expanding our network within the healthcare ecosystem in China,” Jin stated. “Our partnerships illustrate the win-win relationships we aim to build.”

Amidst the growing opportunities in the Chinese market, Gilead is prioritizing local research and development. “The CIIE has shown us the platform’s potential to convert showcased products into marketable items. We recognize China’s ambition to share development opportunities globally, and this reinforces our determination to deepen our presence and invest in local medical innovation,” Jin declared.

With a focus on patient-centered outcomes, Gilead is launching clinical research projects in sync with global timelines, particularly in oncology and virology. “Our goal is to ensure that innovative therapies reach patients promptly in China,” Jin concluded, highlighting the company’s commitment to overcoming barriers to accessibility and enhancing local research capabilities for the benefit of patients.

Recognition for Demis Hassabis and Geoffrey Hinton marks moment when important ingredients came together
Ian Sample and Dan MilmoFri 11 Oct 2024 08.22 EDTLast modified on Fri 11 Oct 2024 09.44 EDTShareIt was more than even the most ardent advocates expected. After all the demonstrations of superhuman prowess, and the debates over whether the technology was humanity’s best invention yet or its surest route to self-destruction, artificial intelligence landed a Nobel prize this week. And then it landed another.
First came the physics prize. The American John Hopfield and the British-Canadian Geoffrey Hinton won for foundational work on artificial neural networks, the computational architecture that underpins modern AI such as ChatGPT. Then came the chemistry prize, with half handed to Demis Hassabis and John Jumper at Google DeepMind. Their AlphaFold program solved a decades-long scientific challenge by predicting the structure of all life’s proteins.
That artificial intelligence won two Nobels in as many days is one thing. That both honoured British researchers in a field previously ignored by the Nobels is another. Both Hinton and Hassabis were born in London, albeit nearly three decades apart. The watershed moment raises an obvious question: where did it all go right? And more importantly, will it go wrong?
Experts in the field do not credit any particular moment, any particular decision, that ensured Britain’s pedigree in artificial intelligence – a technology that can be loosely defined as computer systems performing tasks that typically require human intelligence. But there were important ingredients that came together and set the stage for what happened in Stockholm this week.
View image in fullscreenDemis Hassabis shared the Nobel prize in chemistry for work on the AlphaFold program that solved a decades-long scientific challenge. Photograph: Toby Melville/ReutersThe foundations were shaped over centuries. The UK was a serious player in statistics, logic, mathematics and engineering – think Thomas Bayes, George Boole, Charles Babbage, Ada Lovelace – long before Alan Turing asked: “Can machines think?” As computers became an established technology, expertise flourished at a handful of centres.
“The UK has for a long time been a leader in computing science and in AI,” says Dame Muffy Calder, vice-principal and head of the college of science and engineering at the University of Glasgow. “We’ve led for years and years and I put that down in part to the funding environment that we’ve had in the past that recognised so-called discovery-led research.”
Unlike research that focuses on cracking a well-defined problem, the research Calder refers to is more speculative. Both AI and quantum technologies have benefited from such work, Calder says, some after decades of support. “That’s the message. You’ve got to keep funding ideas from the beginning,” she said. “It can’t be all innovation-focused or challenge-focused. The Turing machine? There was no application for the Turing machine when Alan Turing came up with it.”
Maneesh Sahani, professor of theoretical neuroscience and machine learning, and director of the Gatsby Computational Neuroscience Unit at University College London, highlights how clusters of smart people cropped up across the UK and created a critical mass of expertise.
“Britain as a whole has for a long time punched above its weight and I think that’s still true,” he says. Referring to the machine learning process where instead of being instructed directly, computers “learn” by analysing patterns in data and then making informed decisions, he adds: “But it was really machine learning that the UK got behind very strongly. And that was not because of any central decision. It’s one of those things where good people emerged at a similar time.”
View image in fullscreenThe British-Canadian Geoffrey Hinton shared the physics Nobel prize for his foundational work on artificial neural networks, which underpins modern AI. Photograph: Johnny Guatto/University of Toronto/ReutersAmong the early key groups to make an impact were Edinburgh, Cambridge and Aston Universities, all of which remain strong today. But the momentum Sahani mentions created further clusters. His unit at UCL is one of them and its history gives a sense of how these nodes attract and propel expertise. The Gatsby Unit was set up by Hinton, who after studying at Cambridge and Edinburgh spent most of his career in Toronto. Sahani returned to the UK for a post at the Gatsby, where Hassabis, who went on to set up DeepMind, did his postdoctoral research.
“The Gatsby was a phenomenal draw,” Sahani says. The funding from the Gatsby foundation, a charity set up by supermarket heir David Sainsbury, allows the scientists to focus on research without the same demands for teaching and grant chasing that occupy academics elsewhere. “It’s like a chain reaction,” Sahani says. “When you’ve got the critical mass, when you’ve got people who are doing exciting things and talking to each other, others want to show up and be part of that.”
AI experienced boom and bust cycles for decades, but the machine learning revolution, driven by multi-layered neural networks crunching massive datasets on processors built for gaming, has galvanised investors. The surge in funding, from companies and nations that cannot risk being left behind, has transformed the landscape, with tech firms, primarily in the US, now dominating AI research.
“It’s difficult, increasingly difficult, to be competitive, and that’s not only with universities in other countries but with industry,” says Sahani. “The UK doesn’t have quite the disproportionate presence that it had 10 or 15 years ago. And that’s not because we went backwards, it was because everybody else invested and did a lot of catching up.”
Universities cannot hope to compete with the vast computing resources available to Google and other big tech firms, their massive datasets to feed AI models, or the salaries they can offer.
Dame Wendy Hall, a professor of computer science at the University of Southampton and a member of the UN’s advisory body on AI, says the priority for the UK must be to protect its “academic legacy” in the technology.
“It is so important we keep our foot on the pedal of funding AI research in our universities. This is where future generations of AI technologies will come from and we need the high-level skills to support our growing AI industry” she says. “Other countries are deeply envious. It takes 20 years or more to grow a research star like Hassabis. They don’t just fall out of the trees.”
Sahani believes more centres like the Gatsby unit, where researchers can focus purely on their research, and a willingness among funders to pick winners and back them, will help the UK in the race ahead. Calder says tight relationships between universities and tech firms are essential for both to flourish, while the UK should make better use of its sovereign assets, such as NHS health data. “We need to look at the resources we have,” she says.
Are more Nobels on the horizon? That will come down to individuals as well as the working environments around them. “What stands out about Geoff is his creativity and insatiable curiosity. He goes after all sorts of different problems,” says Sahani. “With Demis, what was evident when he was here was his dynamism. He had sense there were great things to be built and he was going to go after them.”

Perhaps in trying to meet his needs, you have lost sight of your own
Philippa PerrySun 13 Oct 2024 01.00 EDTShareThe question My partner and I have been together for more than 15 years, and we have children. We share a great emotional connection, but sex has always been a sticking point. I have a lower sex drive; I enjoy thinking about sex as well as masturbating, and I have no difficulty reaching climax, I’m just frequently underwhelmed by sex with my partner. He, on the other hand, says that he feels desire for me and would like to have sex more often. However, he also regularly mentions he finds sex with me routine or disappointing and he would like me to act more enthusiastically. He feels rejected.
Recently, we’ve tried to address it by scheduling date nights, so he doesn’t have to worry about rejection and I don’t have to worry about feeling pressured on other nights – although he has made advances on non-date nights, which have contributed to the point I’ve now reached where I can no longer enjoy even non-sexual intimacy. I love him deeply, but I don’t know how to get out of this impasse. We’ve tried therapy and he’s said that talking didn’t seem to change things, and doesn’t want to rehash old conversations that don’t help. I’ve written a letter to him and it helped a little, at least it led to us adopting the scheduling system. But it’s too weird to keep writing to someone you live with.
Philippa’s answer It sounds like the impasse may be that he doesn’t want to talk and you don’t want to have sex. And that if he could talk and listen and understand what page you are on, you might not be so averse to sex and, similarly, if he had all the sex he wanted, he might feel secure enough to talk. This is quite often where couples get stuck.
True and lasting love isn’t all about the meeting of physical desires so much as it is about a profound understanding of each other’s vulnerabilities and an acceptance of the imperfections that come with them. Maybe he finds it makes him feel too vulnerable to have conversations about this face to face, so writing to him like you have done is a way forward, weird or not.
It sounds like the impasse may be that he doesn’t want to talk, and you don’t want to have sexSexuality, in its mysterious and elusive nature, is not just about physical pleasure but is tied to our emotional landscape, to the unspoken and often unrecognised layers of our being. You mention a lower sex drive, but also a vibrant inner life where you enjoy thinking about sex, and masturbating. This suggests the issue may not lie in a waning of your sexuality, but in how it has been shaped by the dynamic between you and your partner. Has the expectation that you will be desirous and enthusiastic worn you down? Have you tried to meet his needs and in doing so perhaps started to lose sight of your own? Now, your body is rebelling.
In The Dance of Intimacy, Harriet Lerner describes the dynamic where one partner chases while the other retreats and then the roles reverse as a common and complex pattern in relationships. This “pursuer-distancer” cycle is a way both partners manage anxiety and emotional distance. I see you pursuing him, wanting a deeper emotional connection through talking and he runs away. He then pursues you, wanting the connection through sex, which makes you want to run away.
When one partner chases, they may be seeking closeness, reassurance or connection, often driven by a fear of abandonment or emotional disconnection. The partner who retreats, on the other hand, might be feeling overwhelmed, which triggers their need for space or emotional distance. This retreat then increases the anxiety of the pursuer, causing them to chase more intensely which, in turn, makes the other partner retreat even further.
This may account for you not tolerating non-sexual touching now. When the roles reverse, the one who was initially distancing may now feel the need for connection, perhaps out of fear of losing the relationship, while the original pursuer may become overwhelmed by the sudden closeness and feel the need for distance. Him not wanting to have any more conversations about it may be his way of displaying this.
This push-pull dynamic often reflects deeper fears and unmet needs, which are being expressed through behaviour rather than being directly communicated. Instead of acting out of fear or anxiety, try to communicate directly. For example, if you’re feeling distant and need space, explain it’s not about rejecting him but about taking care of your own emotional wellbeing. The tendency is for us to take for granted the meanings we automatically assign to our partner’s actions or inactions, but these meanings need unpacking. The key to stopping this dance is for both partners to recognise the cycle and intentionally step out of it. And that, I’m sorry for his sake to have to say, means more conversation, which may be easier with an experienced couple’s therapist (cosrt.org.uk).
Every week Philippa Perry addresses a personal problem sent in by a reader. If you would like advice from Philippa, please send your problem to [email protected]. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions